


they will want us to fall (but we're stronger)

by imjaebumism



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, OT7, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 11:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4177896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imjaebumism/pseuds/imjaebumism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Jackson is a part of all of us now, and you’re right, it isn’t fair that this happened to him. But, if there’s anyone who could bounce back from this and come back stronger than before, it's him.” </p><p>Something real bad happens to Jackson one night on his way to Henry's house, and in the aftermath him and the members constantly have to remind him, and themselves, that he's not broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	they will want us to fall (but we're stronger)

Jaebum runs down the hall of the hospital, breathing heavy, his eyes skimming for the room he’s looking for. His lungs should be threatening to burst to escape this abuse, his legs should be giving out under him from how hard he’s pushing them. He glances down the hall and doesn’t need to check the numbers anymore; he sees Henry sitting outside of a room, his head in his hands.

He walks past Henry though, barely glancing at him before making for the door, but Henry stops him with a grip on his arm. Jaebum tries to shake him off, his hand still on the door knob.

“Jaebum, I…” Henry starts, “I found him beat up in an alley.” Jaebum’s blood boils. “Like, he was like there, an-and his clothes were torn up… I got him here as soon as I could but, I, I dont know...” Henry trails off, releasing his arm and sitting back down again, at a loss for words.

Jaebum shouldn’t be so calm when he turns the doorknob. He should probably break when he sees Jackson in the bed, dwarfed by the hospital sheets, fragile and bruised, but he doesn’t.

And that hurts more than anything. Or at least it should. 

He doesn’t feel anything. Earlier, when he had gotten a call from Henry, asking if Jackson had left the house already since it was getting dark and Jackson still wasn’t at his house, he felt panic. Panic because it had already been an hour since Jackson left. Panic because Henry said he had called him several times already. Panic, because Jackson had decided to walk alone to meet up with Henry, and Jaebum had let him, and he wasn’t answering his phone. The members crowded around him as he hastily put on his shoes, already thinking of the way to Henry’s house to try and retrace Jackson’s steps. He ran out after a hasty explanation, telling the members to all stay put and to watch the phone. He didn’t notice Jinyoung trailing behind him until he got to the stairs, and Jinyoung’s eyes had flashed with a warning, daring Jaebum to tell him to go back to the door. 

But beyond Jinyoung’s wrath Jaebum is leader and no matter how much he might dislike playing the leader card with Jinyoung, he can’t stop himself when he reminds Jinyoung that they can’t leave the kids alone or alarm their manager. That its for the best he stays and ward of any inquiry as to why Jaebum and Jackson are gone. Despite looking like he wants to put up a fight, Jinyoung listens, and Jaebum continues alone.

Jackson had gone out to meet Henry and never made it there, or back.

He feels numb as he takes slow, deliberate steps towards Jackson’s hospital bed. There's wires coming in and out of him, and his face is bruised. There’s one bruise the shape of hands around his neck, discoloration around his eyes. 

Henry doesn’t follow him in and he thinks its for the best, because the one thing he finds himself wanting to do is murdering anybody who comes near him or Jackson right now. 

He looks like he’s sleeping but there’s a thin noise everytime he exhales, and Jaebum knows otherwise, knows that he’s hurting. His fists curl up in anger next his thighs, and it's so hard that he can’t do anything right now. 

There’s a chair by the bed and Jaebum crumbles into it, his body finally registering all of the stress and panic and fear and anxiety all at once, his mind reeling. It’s difficult keeping it all in check, strapping in all of his feelings and holding back his tears though, because that isn’t what Jackson needs from him. 

Jaebum isn’t the one that's hurt and Jackson shouldn't wake up to inconsolable sobs and tears when he’s probably in some unimaginable pain, both emotional and physical. Jaebum has no idea about the specifics of the night and he’s sure Henry doesn’t either, but once Jackson starts remembering, it’ll be even worse.

A doctor walks in and Jaebum reaches out, grabbing Jackson’s hand. It’s cold to the touch and Jaebum wraps his own hand around it, warming it up with both of his. He composes himself enough to look up at the female doctor, returning her introduction and waiting for her to check up on the vitals. 

“He’s just coming out of the pain medication we had him on.” She says, her voice low, and it’s probably meant to be soothing but it just keeps Jaebum on edge. He doesn’t really want to talk to her right now, he doesn’t want to know what she has to say, unless it’s that Jackson is okay and Jaebum could take him home. “He was a little shell-shocked when they brought him in, which is understandable. He wouldn’t let us conduct a rape-kit,” Jaebum feels something surge through him at the word, “maybe when he wakes up you could convince him to go through with it. Besides that, he didn’t break anything and he has no lasting injuries, he should be good to go. Physically at least.”

Jaebum looks down through all of this, he can’t find it in him to reply, doesn’t really know what to say, in all honesty, so he stays quiet but nods. She probably gets that she isn’t going to get anything else out of him so she leaves.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, bent over Jackson’s hand, breaths coming through his body forced and heavy. If it were up to him, he’d stop breathing altogether, and when he feels Jackson’s fingers twitch under him he actually does. His head shoots up. 

“Jackson.” He tries, his voice strained and Jackson seems to fight to open his eyes. When he does, they close again due to the brightness of the lights. Jaebum jumps up to dim the lights, accommodate him, make him feel comfortable, but Jackson latches on to his hand, his grip tight and Jaebum gets what he means and sits back down. 

He’s wearing the same clothes, dirty and littered in random places with blood and Jaebum’s vision flashes red before he reigns it in. 

“Hyung,” Jackson sighs, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them slowly, focusing his gaze on Jaebum. He looks tired even though he just woke up and his voice is all scratchy from lack of use. He seems to realize where he is after looking behind Jaebum and he starts to sit up but Jaebum is quick to stop him.

“Jackson, you shouldn’t-”

“I want to go home.” He’s quick to answer, pushing against Jaebum’s hand on his chest with all the force he has left and swinging his legs over the edge. 

“Jackson, you can’t leave yet. We have to report it, tell someone-”

Jackson’s body reacts to those words before he actually says anything, he could see it in the way his eyes widen and his grip on Jaebum’s hands tighten and he looks so scared, terrified even and Jaebum instinctively knows he’ll do anything to get that look off his face, “Jaebum-hyung, no. No, I can’t. I don’t want to tell. Don’t make me-- don’t make me tell them anything. I just want to go home.” Jackson is speaking between heavy breaths and tightening grips and Jaebum already knows he’ll do anything Jackson asks of him so he just nods and grabs the jacket that’s on the back of the chair he’s sitting in.

“Okay.”

He silently helps Jackson pull out the needles and tubes before helping him off the bed and catching him when he falls into Jaebum, his steps unsteady, “fuck, I’m sorry,” he breathes against Jaebum’s neck. Jackson stands up finally after Jaebum drapes his jacket over his shoulders, but keeps his arm anchored through Jaebum’s leaning on him heavily. Jaebum just takes it in stride.

They’re walking out of the room when they’re stopped by the surprised doctor. Henry jumps up when he sees them coming up too and Jaebum shakes his head signaling to keep his distance. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave tonight.” She says, her eyebrows knitted together in concern, “We wanted to monitor you a little longer, conduct the kit,” and Jaebum knows she’s trying to be helpful, but Jackson burrows further into Jaebum’s side in an attempt to make himself smaller and he just wants to get him out of there, take him home, make him safe. Jaebum should probably make Jackson take the kit, should force him if he has to, because if there's a possibility of catching this person, he wants to take it.

But he figures he’d be no different from the bastard who did this to him in the first place.

So he doesn’t say anything else to Jackson, and instead thanks the doctor for her hard work and leads him out despite her objections. Henry follows behind them, falling a few feet behind until they have to split ways. His car is down the street, he says, casting Jackson a worried look, but Jackson just nods, looking a little out of it as Henry hugs him for a second and turns away.

They walk home in silence. Jaebum doesn’t ask Jackson what happened, doesn’t pester him for answers or make him speak against his will. He just holds him to his side and walks them in a straight line until they’re in front of their dorm.

It’s nearly 3 in the morning when they get there and Jaebum stops right in front of the stairs, “I don’t know if the kids are sleeping. They were worried about you… and I just kind of ran out.”

“I’m fine, it’ll be okay. I just- I need a shower.” 

When they get upstairs, Jinyoung and Mark are the only ones up. Youngjae seems to have tried but he’s passed out on Mark’s shoulder. Jinyoung jumps up when they get in but retracts when Jaebum casts him a warning glare. He looks at Jackson, worry painting his gaze but doesn’t speak when they walk past to get to the bathroom. 

Jackson offers them a shaky smile.

Jaebum fixes the bath as Jackson undresses. Jaebum could only imagine what his body looks like, because he doesn’t look until Jackson is slowly sinking into the hot water and Jaebum sits crossed legged on the floor next to the bathtub.

There are bruises. Of course there are bruises, purple and yellowing around the edges, on his sides on his arms, on his shoulders and once Jaebum looks, he can’t look away, like he’s watching a trainwreck. 

When Jackson is fully seated, he draws his knees to his chest and rests his chin on them, his eyes going all glassy and unfocused. It’s like he forgets Jaebum’s there, he draws so far into his own head, losing himself in the situation and Jaebum just grabs a washcloth and rubs him clean, playing the role of a dutiful, supportive friend instead of a shell shocked and semi-murderous boyfriend. 

Later, when Jackson is all clean and Jaebum is coming out of the bathroom with Jackson on his arm, Mark is coaxing Youngjae to what is normally his and Jackson’s room without even having to be told. While Jaebum brings Jackson to his room, ignoring Jinyoung’s imploring gaze, Jackson holds onto Jaebum’s shirt so tight, wrinkling the cotton under his grip. 

It isn’t surprising that Jaebum doesn’t fall asleep that night, and Jackson either.

-

The next morning, they’re hustled to their schedules and arrive late.

It’s only by a few minutes but Jaebum and their manager get a stern talking to from the producers of the music show and they have to rush through makeup. 

He loses sight of Jackson when they reach the station. He swore he was fine when Jaebum was called but when Jaebum walks into the dressing room, there's Jackson curled up in the far corner and Jinyoung trying to talk to him while the rest of the members hover a few feet away. 

Jaebum rushes towards them, and he doesn’t mean to push Jinyoung aside, but he can’t help it when he does. Jinyoung takes it in stride and moves aside while Jaebum tries his best not to touch Jackson too suddenly, “what happened?”

Jackson won’t answer, he knows that, so he isn’t surprised when Jinyoung answers in his place, voice low, “cordis were swarming, like they usually do, and he freaked out. They were trying to get him into the outfit, out of his clothes, hooked with a mic and all done up at once.”

Jaebum tries his best and ends up talking Jackson into a dressing room so that they’re alone. He gets him into the stage outfit and has one cordi do his makeup while he gets his own done right next to him, a watchful eye on them. He knows Jackson isn’t okay, even though he swears he is, so its not their best performance. 

He messes up the timing for a line during the chorus, and misses a step in the choreography watching Jackson. It’s almost like Jackson’s on autopilot, working through the moves he knows his body knows and singing the words he knows he’s learned but there's no fire, no performance in the way he is on the stage. 

And he knows if he could catch the difference it won’t get past the fans. 

It doesn’t.

Days later, people are talking about the sudden shift in Jackson’s stage presence, wondering if there had been a fight within the members, bringing this to the forefront of everyone's attention. 

Their manager starts to ask too many questions, pulling Jaebum into his room and wondering what’s been going on with the dynamic in the group. He wonders if it’s something he should intervene in, tell JYP about, but Jaebum assures him that it’s nothing that he can’t handle on his own. That it doesn’t have to make it bigger than it already is. 

But JYP finds out anyway. He calls them down to his office one day and demands to know what's going on and they band together under Jaebum’s look and cook up some half baked story about homesickness. They’re quick and on their toes to answer the questions they are asked so he buys it, because if anyone misses their family enough for it to ruin their demeanor, it's Jackson.

He lets them off with a sympathetic warning, but asks the boys to watch out for him on their way out.

And they all try but. Jackson’s a shell of his former self though. He hardly cracks jokes on varieties, stays in Jaebum’s room when they’re home. His interactions with anyone but Jaebum are limited and borderline superficial because he knows Jackson finds comfort in Jaebum’s presence and knows that thats all he’s good for right now. 

He closes in on himself when all of GOT7 is in a room together, even though he knows they won’t hurt him and sometimes when he thinks nobody is watching, he lets silent tears run down his face, breaks for a second before picking up the pieces and holding them back together loosely. 

It’s raining on one of the rare days where they have nothing scheduled and they’re not practicing. It’s what most would call a break and Yugyeom and Bambam are in their room while Youngjae is in the kitchen. 

Jaebum is just walking in from the grocery store, his black hoodie soaked and the bags weighing him down when he’s stopped at the front door by Jinyoung.

“What happened to Jackson?” He asks without preamble, his arms crossed over his chest. “You won’t say anything, Jackson doesn’t speak to anyone.” He shakes his head, holding fast when he knows Jaebum wants to walk away, “I even called and asked Henry, but he couldn’t even tell me anything.”

This is a conversation Jaebum doesn’t really want to have, and it's not really his story to tell, so he just shakes his head. He can’t think of anything to say. He doesn’t know anything to 

“Jaebum. You have to tell us.” Jinyoung says, coming close and peering up at him. He sounds helpless and desperate, but mostly concerned. “How are we supposed to help him when we don’t even know what's wrong?” Jinyoung asks, and Jaebum knows he’s worried and wants to help, knows that this isn’t Jinyoung just prying for information and that he’s being genuine. 

But he doesn’t know how he could tell Jinyoung what happened when he can’t even think the words in the right order.

“What’s done is done Jinyoung.” He says instead, “Maybe one day Jackson will be able to tell you himself, but I can’t do that, I can’t tell you.” Jaebum sighs, and he’s finally able to shoulder past Jinyoung and make it to the kitchen. 

On his way there he notices Jackson in the living room, facing towards the window, his back to the room. Jaebum doesn’t see his face but continues into the kitchen, dragging in a breath. He puts the stuff he bought away quickly, Youngjae helps, before walking into the living room and gently grabbing a seat next to Jackson. Not too far but not too close. 

It’s almost like Jackson doesn’t notice he’s sitting there and Jaebum doesn’t make a move to make his presence known, just watches the silent tears run down Jackson’s face as he stares through the window. 

He’s silent and Jaebum allows him at least that, even quieting his breathing. But Jackson knows he’s there. It’s made obvious when he speaks, “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

Jaebum nods, “It wasn’t your fault Jackson. You know that, and nobody’s blaming you for anything either.”

“I’m ruining Got7.” He replies, his body immobile, his gaze still straight forward. He sounds like what death would probably sound like if it were personified and could make sounds, lifeless and dull, like he’s going through the motions.

The only thing Jaebum thinks he could do right away is reassure him. Got7 would be nothing without Jackson, Jackson is their backbone, their sigh of relief. He brings laughter and empathy and life to Got7. He used to know that, he used to own his title of the “vitamin” and Jaebum doesn’t know how to remind him that that's what he will always be. “That’s not true,” Jaebum says instead of all of that; because the fact of the matter is that it just isn’t true. “Everybody is just worried about you but nobody knows how to help.”

Jackson stays quiet for a long minute and Jaebum almost thinks he’s done, had enough talking for today. He looks lost, like he’s trying to believe that it’s true, everything that Jaebum is saying, and even the things that Jaebum isn’t saying. This is probably the longest conversation Jaebum has had with Jackson since that night and he thinks of that as progress. Jackson speaks again, “I’m not broken.”

But with those three words, Jackson sounds the exact opposite, exactly broken. His words sound fragile as glass, teetering off the edge of calm and cool and not broken. Jaebum can’t help but think he’d still love Jackson if he were made out of sharp edges and shards of glass. He’s lying to himself if he doesn’t say he knows he would. “It’s okay, Jackson. All of us- we already know what you are. You don’t have to prove anything. There's nothing to prove.” He answers instead, keeping his eyes trained on the side of Jackson’s head. He places his hand on Jackson’s, resting on his lap, and closes his fingers around it. It doesn’t matter that Jackson doesn’t hold his hand back, just him not pulling away is enough. “I love you. So, much Jackson Wang. You have no idea.”

Jackson doesn’t offer a reply, but Jaebum catches the minute sag in his shoulders and knows that he may have said what Jackson’s been wanting to hear. 

-

JYP surprises Jackson by flying his parents in within the next few weeks. 

When Jackson first sees them, it isn’t happiness that courses through him like everybody would guess. Instead he dissolves in tears and walks over to his mother, his head hung low and his arms wrapped around her small frame in a vice grip, one that would probably cause some sort of bodily harm if she wasn’t infused with the will and strength of being his mother. 

She holds onto him just as tight, whispering words too low into his ear and Jaebum is pulled away from the scene when Jackson’s father approaches the members and him, his greeting careful. 

He speaks in English and Mark translates in slow but accurate Korean while Bambam helps and they get the jist. Jackson’s going to stay with them for a little while at the hotel they’re staying at and JYP has granted him a break. He kind of can’t believe that Jaebum didn’t hear about this from JYP himself, that he’s suddenly been blindsided by Jackson just leaving, but he takes it all in with a blank face that doesn’t show how affected he actually is.

They don’t get too long to say goodbye. Jackson says it to the youngest first, hugging them close, the first time he’s seen Jackson initiate physical contact with anyone but him in a while. He lets Jinyoung hug him, then Mark until he gets to Jaebum. He holds onto him like he’d rather not let go, and inconspicuously enough so that Jackson’s parents don’t catch it, Jaebum drops a kiss onto Jackson’s shoulder, holding him back just as tightly. 

And then he’s gone.

The dorm is different without Jackson, even while he had been crying most of the time and speaking never. Jaebum doesn’t know how to not miss him either way. Even though he’d been quieter lately, smaller, more cautious, the warmth his body provided whenever he would lie down next to Jaebum at night was missed. More than that, he ached for it in his bones. 

Being without Jackson for any amount of time is like missing a limb or a vital organ, but he knows Jackson needs this, this time off, knows that it’s all Jaebum could offer, so he pretends he’s okay.

It’s even quieter than it was before. Even though Jackson isn’t here, Youngjae doesn’t come back into the room and mostly nothing is said between the members aside from casualties. 

Until Jinyoung comes into his bedroom one day. Jaebum looks up from the book he was reading and just puts it down on his mat, sitting up and crossing his legs. Jinyoung doesn’t say anything at first, just sits down and stares at the wall behind Jaebum instead of at Jaebum himself. Jaebum waits, never has trouble waiting, and Jinyoung finally opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. 

He looks down and Jaebum just keeps waiting, silently staring and thats when he catches Jinyoung wiping at his eyes and sniffling and he knows that Jinyoung knows. 

“Jinyoung I-”

“He was all by himself. He probably called for help- but no one came.” He says quietly, and his voice is halfway to a whisper and low but Jaebum catches every word, “and this Jackson we’re talking about. He must’ve felt so defenseless, so alone and I can’t- I can’t believe I didn’t know.” the worst part about all of this is that Jinyoung sounds like he’s blaming himself for not know when it was Jaebum who kept it from him, too much of a coward to say the words out loud. “How could somebody. Why Jackson, he’s- he isn’t. This isn’t fair.” His voice trails off into a sob and he won’t look up, won’t meet Jaebum’s gaze. It’s not Jinyoung’s fault, Jinyoung shouldn’t feel like it is. 

“Jinyoung-ah, do you remember when we first met Jackson?” Jaebum asks, playing with his fingers and avoiding watching Jinyoung break. “We had just heard JJ Project wasn’t going to be coming back and suddenly we’re debuting again. Then here comes this kid with clothes too big on his body and the most contagious smile anyone’s ever seen. You were so fucking mean to him.” Jaebum chuckles, shaking his head. “You made fun of his accent, and the way he mixed english and cantonese into his korean, like he was speaking a language only he knew but thought everyone understood. He sucked up to you so much to get you to like him, but it’s like he was the only one that didn’t know he had you at first sight.” 

Jackson is like that, he gets to you and you’re a goner. He looks at you and you’re two times gone, not a chance for you to come back. He talks to you and you don’t want to come back. He doesn’t know the effect he has on people; the way it’s so easy for people to love him, he doesn’t get it.

“Jackson is a part of all of us now, and you’re right, it isn’t fair that this happened to him. But, if there’s anyone who could bounce back from this and come back stronger than before, it's him.” 

Jinyoung’s hiccuping sobs had dissolved into light sniffles halfway through his little speech, and Jaebum knows it's had its effect. Jaebum finds out that Jinyoung found out about Jackson from Henry, got it out of him somehow, but Jaebum isn’t angry and Jinyoung promises not to tell. 

Jinyoung and Jaebum sleep in the same room that night for the first time since their trainee days.

As for the rest of Got7, they perform and go on varieties without Jackson. They act normally enough without their self-proclaimed battery and when asked where Jackson is they’re told to say he’s sick and can’t be there right now so thats what they say. At the end of their schedule one day, Jaebum asks their manager if they could eat out and he takes them to a BBQ restaurant thats open late and empty when they arrive. 

It feels almost surreal, actually laughing after so long, actively enjoying his member’s presence and knowing that Jackson is safe, that he’s going to be okay is the only thing that keeps him from dampening the mood. Halfway through their meal, Bambam has already stuck two straws into his mouth and pretended to be a walrus and Yugyeom drops a spoon into a bottle of soda and sings the song playing over the loudspeaker off pitch and badly but he gets rounds of laughter from around the table until their manager tells him to sit down and stop embarrassing himself. 

It’s nice.

-

Jackson comes back three weeks later.

His parents leave on a Wednesday and he comes back on a Thursday. He looks better, there's color in his cheeks again, and he smiles when Jinyoung tells a joke or Yugyeom does something stupid. When he attends his first music show performance since he’s been gone, he doesn’t freak out when the cordis swarm, and when they’re going home late at night, he sits close to Jaebum in the back seat of the van and holds his hand. 

The atmosphere is better, as a team they’re stronger. 

He doesn’t need Jaebum holding him at night so that he could get some sleep, he doesn’t need Jaebum strapped to his side when they run into a group of fans that want pictures and autographs. Jackson even moves back into his room with Mark and talks to the other members and cracks jokes at his variety shootings. 

They don’t get another call down from JYP and they call that a win. 

Though none of the other members know the full story of what happened to Jackson, Jinyoung and Jaebum hardly know that either, they actively keep an eye out for their teammate and each other, making sure everything stays okay and the group suddenly feels whole again now that their battery is back.

Jaebum isn’t quick to believe everything is 100% okay with Jackson, though, because Jackson still jumps too high when he thinks he’s alone and Bambam comes up behind him too suddenly. He still stares out of the window sometimes when they’re being driven around, less often than before and the tears are nonexistent, but his face is blank all the same, devoid of any and all emotions. When he has late night schedules, he makes their manager walk him to and from the buildings and the car. And Jaebum didn’t ever expect Jackson to just wake up one day in the near future and be over everything that happened. In fact, he thinks that Jackson is doing so well with what he’s been through.

Henry sees the changes too, when he comes and visits, is surprised when he sees Jackson smiling real smiles and brightening days again. 

It's been a few months since Jackson left and came back. 

He asked Youngjae to switch rooms for the night and Jackson and Jaebum are laying down on Jaebum’s mat. Jaebum is in a state where he’s feeling too tired to actually sleep, and Jackson’s arm is pressed against his. They’re sharing a pillow.

“Hyung,” Jackson says, the silence they’ve been laying in interrupted by his voice. He clears his throat, and Jaebum makes a sound so that he knows he’s been heard, “I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you. For putting up with me after everything.”

Jaebum stares at the ceiling, his mind blank, “you never had to Jackson. It’s what anyone who cares about you would’ve done.”

Jackson is probably staring at him but he can’t look at him right now, is afraid of what he might see. “Thank you.” He says instead and the room is silent again until Jaebum breaks it.

“Will you ever tell me what actually happened?” He doesn’t know why he asks, doesn’t know what he expects from the answer, but it’s out there now.

“I don’t know, hyung,” Jackson suddenly sounds really tired, “I hate thinking about it and I just- I want to move on. I don’t want it defining who I am.”

Jaebum gets that so he doesn’t push. There’s rustling from beside him and he looks over at Jackson to see he’s turned on his side, expression hardly decipherable from all the shadows and darkness filling the room. He doesn’t even know how late it is and he forgets that it matters, that they have to wake up early tomorrow.

Jackson reaches up and touches Jaebum’s cheek with his fingers. His touch is gentle, tender and he’s holding himself up on his elbow, hand in his hair. Leaning in slowly, he kisses Jaebum. It’s merely his lips against Jaebum’s slight pressure, nothing too serious, but it's the most they’ve done in months and Jaebum can’t believe he almost forgot how much he liked it when Jackson kissed him.

He pulls away after a second and lays back down on his back. They’re still so far from where they were before, but knowing that if he rolled to his side he would be welcomed into Jackson’s embrace is nice. Having Jackson around is nice.

“I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without you, hyung.” Jackson says and it doesn't matter that Jaebum doesn’t see it himself. “I’ll get better, I promise.”

Jaebum just reaches over and grabs Jackson’s hand, their fingers intertwining, grasping each other tight. They fall asleep sometime later; Jackson doesn’t wake up from a nightmare and fights Jinyoung for the bathroom come morning. Jaebum knows Jackson will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> T__T idk guys. I get real sad sometimes and stuff like this comes out.
> 
> As per usual, shout outs to my righthand man parkjinyawn.tumblr.com
> 
> and this is me at imjaebumism.tumblr.com


End file.
